Chores Everyone hates them.它们通常是枯燥的，重复性的，永远不会消失。但是，当多动症是婚姻组合的一部分，它可以得到家务劳动没有一个或其他感觉恼火，愤怒或羞辱做一个真正的挑战。通常情况下，非ADHD的合作伙伴感到不满在做超过他/她共享或不必不断地提醒对方做需要做的事情。
The ADHD partnermight feel angry at always being told what to do and may feel unappreciated for the efforts being made, which sometimes feels like they aren't "good enough" no matter how hard he/she tries.
As in any relationship, one can expect disagreements, anger and tensions to arise. In an ADHD relationship, where symptoms can create tremendous difficulties, it's important to keep the communication channels open at all times.
No one likes to be told in a negative, degrading way that they, again, forgot to take out the garbage, or put away dishes. Since many with ADHD often have challenges with self-reflecting- seeing how their behaviors might affect others- it's important to learn appropriate communicating skills with your partner.
"I" messages往往是表达一个人的苦恼，让其他人无法进入防御模式，它只是排除了夫妇有效地解决冲突的一种积极的方式。一个“我”消息的一个例子是：
"Clutter in the kitchenmakes me feel anxious. When dishes pile up in the sink, it makes me feel like you don't understand how that affects me."
This type of dialoguecan continue with both partners discussing ways to solve the problem, VS putting one on the defensive and causing a blowup between the two, as in this scenario: "I am sick and tired of you not doing your share around here. Just look at those dishes piled in the sink! What am I, your maid?"
我经常告诉夫妇他们升级为预尖叫模式以及之前讨论的问题。了解关于多动症的症状是为了一对夫妇，了解其对关系和家庭影响势在必行。例如，无聊是艰难的大多数人。但对于一个患有多动症，可难以忍受。对于非ADHD的合作伙伴，几乎总是他们是否允许通过经常相互依附的问题“打包其他的了。”这造成挫折和烦恼，最好的。了解多动症的影响关系将如何帮助那些必然会出现反熔丝紧张的情况下。
Consider having regularPow-Wows to assess the problems before they become a source of constant fighting. For example, if your ADHD spouse consistently forgets to do the weekly banking, don't wait 6 months later when you're ready to explode at him/her. Catch yourself when you begin to see and feel the annoyance before it turns into fury. Then, sit down and state the facts without pointing fingers:
"I notice that it's beeardto get the banking done on time. Maybe it's because you hate doing it, or it gets put on the back-burner. Whatever the case, how can we work this out together?"
By stating the problemand working out a solution as a couple, you'll defuse the situation before it turns into WW lll. Sadly, many couples find it hard to discuss problems before it gets to that point, which is why I advocate, "taking your emotional temperature on a regular basis." If you begin to have a nagging feeling in your stomach, catch it before it erupts into hurtful words and discuss it while you're still rational.
Here are my top 10 tipsfor managing chores in your home when one (or both!) partner has ADHD:
- Call upon each person's strengths. Choose the right chore! If one likes being outdoors doing physical things, assign lawn work to that person. If the other loves listening to music, give that person light housework where he/she can wear headphones while working.
- 如果无聊是一个问题，旋转作业，以便有较少的拖延或者未完成的机会。
- 人当有多动症通常做得更好visual cues. Place a white board in a highly visible place, listing chores, who's assigned to do them, and when they should be done. Leave room for a check mark, so there's a feeling of accomplishment when the chore is completed.
- Reward yourselves. Make a weekly dinner or movie date if you've finished all the chores on your chart.
- Delegate! If you can afford to hire people to help you out, do it!
- Change your expectations. No one says there's a law that beds must be made daily.
- Get the kids involved and make it a family affair. Give each family member a room or task to be in charge of. To prevent boredom, rotate chores.
- Communicate. If you feel unappreciated, angry or misunderstood, discuss your concerns before the resentment builds to unhealthy levels.
- Be playful. Write down the chores, toss them in a bowl and pick your chore for the day or week. Or draw straws. Think of creative ways to get things done.
- Find a way to use the time to be together. For instance, while one is paying bills, the other can be filing.
And of course,make sure that those with ADHD are getting the appropriate treatment for it!