与我们有关他们将如何以及在何处选择住终老可以多尴尬老人的亲人说话。它可以是可怕的。对于许多人来说，它并不像很多长辈我们所说的话反应的恐惧，因为它是保护我们自己否定的努力。
如果我们不说出一个事实，即我们的父母正在老化，最终可能需要援助，然后，是的，死亡 - 这不会发生。这是覆盖我们的眼睛的时候，我们都很小，说的版本，“你不能看我。”
True, some adult children know that their parents will not take kindly to such a discussion, thus definitely making it harder, but fear not — this is a conversation that we must have with our older adults.
已经通过这一点，我将提供一些建议，可以让这个讨论，或者更好的是，一系列的讨论，更容易。不过，在我们移动到一般性的建议，让我为你展示一个基本规则 - 在一个强调了一切，你做什么或说：
Never, never, never forget the fact that your parents are now, and will always be, your parents. You are now, and will always be, their child. Even making financial, health, and housing decisions for them doesn’t change that dynamic. Even providing the most intimate physical care for them doesn’t change that dynamic. Keep as your mantra: “These are my parents ever and always,” and you will most likely usher your parents through their last years with minimal anger and hurt feelings, and maximum love.
牢记这基本规则记住，你怎么往前走？
考虑如何经常看到你的父母
理想的情况下，家属看到彼此往往不够，他们可以成为拿出自然的父母年龄的增长舒服讨论的问题。在这种情况下，成年子女有可能听见父母的亲密的朋友已经转移到辅助生活，或已经生病。他们甚至可以听到的故事，他们的父母的朋友做医疗保健和律师的不分配权力，他们的财务状况，这样，当一个或两个病重，他们的孩子被留试图照顾他们的父母用他们的双手绑合法。
These natural conversations can bring about good-natured discussions where the aging parents muse abouthow they want to age and what they might face. Unfortunately, for some, the conversations don’t evolve so naturally.
也许成年子女由距离与父母分离，气质，家族病史，或以上所有。然后怎样呢？你仍然是成年子女，你会，除了在最极端的情况下，可能会涉及以某种方式为你的父母的年龄。Therefore, it would be smart to find time to visit more often and use some of that precious time, hopefully after you’ve closed some of the feeling of distance that may have developed, to discuss what they want you to do to help them move forward as they age.
包括兄弟姐妹，如果你有他们
这将帮助你的未来与你的兄弟姐妹的关系，如果你与他们计划如何共享这些讨论讨论你父母的情况。如果他们看到你的父母往往比你做什么，问问他们是否注意到你的父母的任何更改将表明，这种讨论是一个紧急情况，或者如果你能都开始以一种自然的方式交谈，并传播它随着时间的推移。
If you have to go it alone, you should still assess your parents’ situation with as much clarity as you can. Do they seem to be struggling to maintain their home, or do they enjoy living there so much that some tweaks could keep them happy for a long time to come? Are there memory issues, such as forgetting to pay bills, happening regularly or are they doing just fine in that area? The better your parents are doing when you bring up these issues the easier these talks will be, so start as early as possible. Is their 50s too soon? Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on the family and your parents’ general health. Their 60s, even if they are “young” 60s?Definitely. You need to be getting some kind of feel for what they would like as they age.
Be kind, be compassionate, and be respectful
即使你看到的告诉你变化问题将是不久必要，勿暴走进他们的生活，并开始告诉他们需要做什么。记住一个牢不可破的规则：他们是你的父母。善待和去这次谈话以同情和尊重。你的父母面临着来随着年龄的增长，毫无疑问，携带有关未来潜在的恐惧不可避免的变化。
Even if you are facing a near crisis, that rarely rules out all choices for the elder. People with memory issues can be gently provided with two simple choices such as either hiring in-home help or moving to assisted living. People with good minds but poor physical health can be presented with more complicated solutions, such as offering to hire in-home help for now while you take them around to look at assisted living and other options. This will help them decide what most appeals to them for their future.
生活长辈的品质是你的目标，而实现这一目标的意愿必须加以考虑。如果他们的愿望不与生活的实用性网，那么你可以尽你所能地提供他们的名单上的下一个最好的选择，但也尽量让他们的愿望引导你.
Do your homework
它将更容易帮助你的长老们决定什么is best for them if you become educated in what their community has to offer. Pick up brochures on home remodeling for aging homeowners. Gather brochures on retirement centers that can provide additional care as needs increase. If possible, talk with people who have used either or both of these options, or other options that may be available in your parents’ community. Then, approach your parents respectfully, even if that means starting off with a joke. You know your parents, so use that to your advantage.
Early on, ask them what is most important to them, independence or safety. You aren’t, of course, going to try to rule one out as exclusive to the other, but you need to ask. Some people would far rather take a few more chances with safety for the pleasure of independence, while others prefer the secure feeling of more care. This could be one of the most telling pieces of information that your parents can provide.
Then:
告诉他们你已经收集到的小册子。告诉他们你所学到的关于家庭装修如果呼吁他们或辅助生活，如果这似乎更多的自己的风格。不要逼他们。留在桌上的宣传册，并转移到其他话题。
Tell them that if they prefer remodeling their home enough to accommodate any aging issues they have, in-home help can be hired to handle some of their care needs. Cleaning and outside chores will eventually need to be hired out, as well. These costs can be balanced with retirement home solutions as you discuss options.
如果他们说“谢谢，但没有感谢”关于讨论这些问题，不要担心它。让它休息。然后把它在其他时间。如果你不习惯经常看到你的父母，你可能将不得不改变这种状况，除非有别人来接手这种情况。请记住，除非这是一个危机，他们应该得到的时间来考虑可能的选项，你建议。
与你的心脏听听他们说些什么，以及他们不说了，回复或保存它供以后知道这是他们很难。善待。
- 如果您遇到突发事件，或者只是似乎与你的长辈毫无进展，aging life care specialists(the new name for geriatric care managers) can be helpful in guiding you. They cost money but they know how to handle tricky situations.
如果您还没有谈到律师为医疗保健和财政权力，这是做到这一点的时间。实用指南可以在发现Conversation Project. They also have aconversation starter kitthat you can download.
目前最大的障碍是开放的对话。一旦做到这一点，在大多数情况下，你可以替换一个可怕的马拉松式讨论一个自然系列相当愉快的聊天。If your parents’ health indicates that their needs are more time sensitive, then you’ll have to push harder, but even then, if you remember your mantra — these are your parents, not your children — and talk to them with respect and compassion, you’ll do fine. Just bite the bullet and do it.