当我还是个大学生的时候，我上过一门关于死亡和死亡的课程，在那我们学习了悲伤的各个阶段。我相信你们中的很多人都能背出你们上过的心理学入门课上的清单。这个列表有不同的版本，但大多数悲伤阶段包括:否认，愤怒，讨价还价，沮丧，接受。为大学小测验记住这样的清单是一回事。在现实生活中经历这些阶段完全是另一回事。格里菲不知道年龄、种族、收入或性别的界限。不管你是住在比佛利山庄的豪宅里，还是住在纽约市的一间只有一间卧室的公寓里。悲伤总有一天会降临到你头上。总有一天你会遭遇损失。悲伤并不局限于失去所爱之人时的情绪。 One can also feel grief over the loss of a job, a relationship, or even your health. It is the grief experienced when dealing with health problems that I wish to talk about today.
对于许多来健康中心查看特定疾病或医疗紊乱的人来说，悲伤可能是一个伴随问题，特别是如果你正在处理的是一种慢性疾病。就我个人而言，我就是这样找到这个健康网站的。我被诊断出患有多发性硬化症，并被告知要到健康中心寻求帮助。我发现我并不是一个人在挣扎。事实上，每个被诊断患有躁郁症或糖尿病的人都会有一种失落感。听到你的诊断可能是可怕的。更可怕的是，听到你的情况还在继续，你将不得不在一生中找到应对它的方法。
我将告诉你们我的个人经历，当我听说自己得了多发性硬化症时，我经历了不同阶段的悲伤。到现在已经两年多了(我是在2007年秋天确诊的)，我可以诚实地说，我终于在某种程度上接受了这一切。但有时我会回到最初的阶段，再次陷入否认。悲伤不是某种可以预测的从A点到B点的事情。这并不是说你从悲伤中毕业，然后得到某种文凭，表明你获得了认可。它更像是你日复一日地处理事情，有时同时感受每一种情绪，因为你试图生活在一个不确定的未来中。
否认
通过一组奇怪的同步性，我知道我在做第一次核磁共振之前就有过多发性硬化症。我记得我经历了一些疾病的最初症状，比如肌肉无力，感觉失去平衡，坐在床边休息。我的脑子和横幅赛跑好像在想"这是什么意思这是什么意思?"And my mind would answer, "You know what this means." As each new and bizarre symptom would appear I would try to dismiss them with other logical explanations. "I must be tired, clumsy, or crazy." As more tests and doctors visits would lend credence to my impending diagnosis, I still clung to the thought that perhaps this was all some big mistake. It was not. I had MS. Yet even after the official diagnosis was made, I would ask the neurologist, "Are you really sure?" expecting that somehow my doubts could magically change reality.
愤怒
我觉得通过所有的核磁共振检查和检查以及医生的探访，我处理得很好。但当我接到电话时，算总账的日子到来了。我的全科医生告诉我，“在我的脑核磁共振中发现的白质异常与脱髓鞘疾病，多发性硬化症是一致的。”I had multiple brain lesions. I sat there with the phone receiver in my hand and began to bang it upon the edge of the bed. I remember this fire of rage rip through my body. Here was this person explaining this to me as one would explain how to boil an egg. If I were a man, I probably would have put my fist through a wall. But instead, ended the phone call politely, went into my bathroom and screamed obscenities. All of my life's struggles stood before me. I thought about coping with living with a schizophrenic mother, coping with poverty, abuse, my miscarriage, years of infertility, and finding out that my youngest son has autism. And now MS??? "Are you kidding me?" I raged inside. Haven't I been through enough? I even pointed my finger to God and told him to "Bring it on" Anger? Absolutely. This is the emotion I felt before any sadness.
讨价还价的
在我得到最初的诊断之前，我做了一点讨价还价。我想象着医生打来的电话。我想象着如果他对我说:“哦，你这笨鹅，没有什么问题，你没有得多发性硬皮病，所以去享受吧。”I told myself that despite the fact that I hate running and have never done it in my life, I would run a marathon. I don't even know where this idea came from but it was there. If I didn't have MS I would run for people who did. I imagined other things I would suddenly do if I was told I didn't have MS. I would become the athlete I never was. When you are waiting for life changing news you come up with some far out thoughts. Needless to say, I am not running any marathons lately.
抑郁症
这种导致悲伤的因素对我来说并不新鲜。但每一次萧条都有其特殊的细微差别。无论走到哪里，我都开始看到残疾人或坐轮椅的人。在我被诊断出来之后，他们好像全力以赴了。我想知道我是否在展望我的未来。看到理查德·普莱尔(Richard Pryor)的最后一段录像时，我哭了起来，他因为太太的缘故而挣扎着说话，坐在轮椅上。我在我家附近的小路上走了一会儿，太太踢了进来，我哭了。当我一瘸一拐地回家时，一些经过的人盯着我看。这是我第一次掩饰不住自己的病情。我不能再假装这件事没有发生在我身上。我从噩梦中惊醒，梦见我和我的孩子们在一起，我无法帮助他们，因为在梦里我不能移动。 Some days I feel like a failure. I feel as though my body has betrayed me. There are times when I feel broken and weary in body and spirit. Sadness? Yes this is a part of the grieving process and there is no avoiding it.
验收
有一部分的我已经接受了这一切。我的人生哲学是受苦是人类生存条件的一部分。每个人都存在。几个月前，我在一个会议上发表了演讲。另外一个演讲者是一个叫戴夫的病人。他做了一个关于他与癌症斗争的最感人的演讲。当他对群众讲话时，他警告我们所有人:“你们的时候到了。”What he meant by this was, everyone will have to deal with some sort of medical condition or disease in their lifetime. Living with a chronic medical condition is not unique. But what is unique is how each person deals with it. I have felt fear, anger, and a bittersweet sadness over my diagnosis. But I have also felt an incredible joy for those moments in time when I am feeling good. I don't take anything for granted. My diagnosis with MS has made me realize that time is precious. Who knows how long any of us have on the planet? So while we are here we might as well make the best of it. A huge part of my healing and acceptance has been to share my story with others. If I can help someone else by sharing my experiences, it gives my life meaning and transcendence from the pain. Does acceptance mean that everything is hunky dory and you no longer cry or get mad about this? No. But it does mean that you find ways to survive each day and find those moments of happiness and gratitude in between.
我就讲到这里。但我想补充一点，无论你经历了什么，你并不孤单。有很多人都在挣扎着应付他们自己的麻烦。分享你的故事。找其他人依靠。即使在看医生的间隙，希望也始终存在。我已经告诉你我的故事了。现在我想听听你的。如果你有慢性疾病，告诉我们你是如何应对的。我们总是喜欢收到你的来信。
此外，我在这里添加了一些其他健康中心网站的链接，在那里我们的成员和作者讨论了与其他医疗条件有关的悲伤。我希望你会访问这些其他网站，因为他们有很多信息和支持提供。
在乳腺癌网站上:“悲伤阶段与乳腺癌”
在慢性疼痛网站上:"慢性疾病的罪恶"
在糖尿病网站上:“糖尿病，父母悲伤和抑郁”
在我们的心脏病网站上:《如何处理悲伤和责备》
关于抑郁症网站:流产的痛苦和损失
关于抑郁症网站:当悲伤挥之不去
关于多发性硬化部位:我的MS日记:开始
关于多发性硬化部位:采访临床心理学家